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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

A Date with Jo

I went to the restaurant early, wanting to arrive there before she did. I had chosen the restaurant with care, ensuring that the ambience was appropriate for our first date. Dim lighting, subdued colours, pretty and well mannered waitresses.

We had met only in the virtual world, she contacted me after checking out my profile on a dating website. I had spent a lot of time on my profile, putting in much thought on what aspects of my personality I should highlight to get the most attention from other female members of that website.

A little bit about myself - Tall with a great body, if I may say so myself, Wavy hair, dark brown eyes. Women say I am handsome, I personally think that even though I don't have Tom Cruise-ish looks, I am still head and shoulders above the average joe on the street. My smile is a killer I am told by others. The secret of my success with the fairer sex? Simple - I have a great sense of humour and of course I am a great listener. What do I do for a living? I am a Travelling Sales Man who is currently in Cincinnati. My online name is Jacques T. Défonceuse and I specialize in Kitchen Equipment.

A little bit about her - The picture she had sent me was frustatingly unclear, but I could make out the basics - She was a brunette, with emerald green eyes, fair and was quite pretty even though I wouldn't call her drop dead gorgeous. Her name was Jocelyn, but in her first email she had asked me to call her Jo. Our emails had initially been quite hesitant, probing gently for information about each other. After a couple of months we had become comfortable enough to speak to each other on the phones. We had pretty intent discussions about all topics under the sun. She was 23 years old, a secretary at a Financial Firm. However, she was erudite, well read and currently between relationships which of course made her situation perfect for me to move in. Her break up had been pretty traumatic. She had gone out for six months with this guy who was one of her bosses. Pretty soon, she realized that all he was interested in was to make her spy on one of his colleagues. That put her off him to a large extent. The clincher was his turning up unnanounced at her doorstep at 11:00 PM, with a skimpily dressed blonde who could barely walk straight. He wanted a menage a trois right there and then. It was only with much difficulty that she managed to get rid of the two of them, eventually having to call the apartment security to evict them from the building.

Since then, she had to endure his caustic comments at work, which made her determined never to mix work with pleasure.

She said that I was like a breath of fresh air to her. According to her, I seemed gentle, kind, non-judgemental and supportive. Finally after three more months of tele-conversations, we finally decided to meet up. Which of course brings me back to the opening lines of this journal.

I took a seat at the table nearest the window, which would give me a chance to see her as she walked in, and asked the waiter for a whisky with a couple of ice cubes. After fifteen minutes, I saw her approaching the restaurant. As she walked in the door, she looked around a bit before she finally saw me and her face lit up. She was a vision to behold. around 5'8", curly hair, wearing a bright red evening dress which hugged her tight in the appropriate places.

" Jacques!" she said, "How are you?"

"I am fine. Its good to finally see you Jo."

"You look great!"

"Thanks", I said, " To be honest, you look a lot more scrumptious in person yourself"

She blushed slightly and smiled at my remark, then walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I inhaled her perfume which was quite heady.

Both of us sat down and ordered our meal. Ravioli with Cherry Tomatoes and Cheese as a starter; The Grilled Chicken Breasts with Asparagus, Fettucine and Maltaise Cream as main course was exquisite as was the Chianti which we took to accompany it. The conversation was scintillating, the sparks flying between us as time went by. Before we knew it, it was time for dessert. We had Strawberries Flambeed in Vodka with Hot Ice Cream. By the time we had finished, we were quite full and had to rest for another fifteen minutes before we could walk back. Not that we minded, we were lost in each other's company.

One thing lead to another and before we knew it, we were at the door of her apartment.

"Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?" She murmured to me glancing up at me.

"Of course", I said, smiling to myself. This was turning out to be easier than I expected.

As soon as she shut the door, I drew her towards me and crushed her to me, kissing her hard. After a minute she came up for breath, panting slightly.

"Jacques...please don't think that I am the kind of girl who is easy."

"Of course not Jo, I would not presume to judge you like that. Besides...doesn't this seem natural?"

"Yes it does...it's as if I've know you from a previous life".

I slowly undressed her, teasing and tantalising her by my slowness. I wet my finger and traced the outline of her jaw, then slowly nibbled on her earlobe. Taking her brassiere off, I circled her erect nipples with my finger before taking one of them in my mouth. I sucked it hard, and she responded with a sigh, arching her back towards me.

"Jacques", she whispered, "Take off your clothes, I want to feel you against me".

I obliged her, slowly peeling the shirt and trousers from my body, dropping them on the floor.

Her eyes feasted on me hungrily as if she was ready to devour me there and then. I took her in my arms and we had what can be described as wild maniacal sex.

After both of us were satiated, she fell back against the bed, exhausted.

"Jacques...you were marvellous. Believe it or not, I have never had such a wonderful experience before".

"Jo, this is nothing compared to what will come later on, this was just an appetiser."

She smiled at me, her eyes misting over with sleep.

After ten minutes, after I was sure that she was asleep, I got off the bed stealthily. I picked up my trousers and reached into the pocket, taking out something.

It was an expandible knife, one of the tools of my trade. Opening it, I extended it to its full length and stood over Jocelyn. I shook her shoulder gently and she stirred in her sleep. Shaking her more roughly, I managed to wake her up, her eyes clouded with confusion turning into horror when she saw me standing over her with that knife.

"J-J-J-a-acques, what is wrong?" She whimpered...they always do when my victims realize that they've made a major miscalculation.

I didn't bother to say anything as I plunged the knife into her belly and then went on to stab her in exactly twenty two more places on her body. Why twenty two? Just a superstition you can say, after all, she was my twenty second victim.

I then went to her bathroom and took a leisurely shower, cleaning myself. Dressing afterwards, I went out of the building. Since it was after midnight, the security guard was fast asleep.

As I walked out into the dark, I congratulated myself on checking up on Jocelyn's lack of experience of foreign cultures and languages. After all, I pose as a French man online and that adds to the initial charm. French men are supposed to be great lovers, which I am of course. My french is definitely better than what Jocelyn's was.

After all, the online name I used was Jacques T. Défonceuse: which can be roughly translated to Jack T. Ripper.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Memoirs of World Cup Audience Participation

While watching the glorious scantily clad female fans during the ongoing world cup matches, I had a flashback to a incident of Audience Participation that I had the good fortune to see during the World Cup held 8 years ago.

The Scene: My uncle's drawing room where my Uncle, Aunt and I were watching a Brazil match against an inconsequential team.

The Background: My Uncle was and is football crazy, my aunt indulged him during the one month by graciously giving up the TV set for his vicarious football watching pleasure. I, though not as ardent a fan as my uncle, was just starting to get into the sport, partly because of the magnificent game and partly because during my hormone filled teenage years, I had recently realised that the acres of female flesh shown on channels such as TB6 (remember that channel anybody?) and FTV, were also on view during the world cup, albeit to a lesser extent. I am of course referring to a period when Cable TV had just about started to make an inroad into India and before the strict censorship policies of the government had started. Ah...sometimes I really do miss those days, when one was guaranteed at least three truly "A-Dult" late night movies a week by cable channels.

The Timing: Half Time of the match, my uncle and I were disecting the match and discussing the prospects of the brazilian team in the world cup. My aunt had just brought us some tea and snacks and was sitting with us.

The Incident: The camera started panning across the crowd and I had one eye on my uncle and another eye on the TV screen. It zoomed into a group of brightly clad (unclad?) Brazilian Fans who were dancing away. I vividly remember my aunt laughing and saying that these fans are truly crazy. Little did she know that she hadn't seen nothin' yet. The camera zoomed into two guys and a girl who were dancing away and the commentator was also saying something about the exuberance of the fans. All of a sudden, without any warning, the girl took off her sweatshirt and her bikini top in a jiffy (To date, I still maintain that her speed and dexterity in doing it was analogous to the speed and dexterity of Maradona's hand of God goal) and stood up proudly jiggling her magnificent mammaries from one side to another while the two guys with her were cheering her on.

The Aftermath: The commentator himself seemed to be zapped as there was complete pin-drop silence for a good minute from his end; out of the corner of my eye, I watched my aunt going red and she hurriedly got up and started to go out of the room. Observing her discomfiture, I deliberately called out to her and started to talk to her about dinner that night. She was extremely embarassed and mumbled something out and I had a real difficult time keeping a straight face. There was no comments about the game or anything else by my normally loquacious uncle who watched out the rest of the game in complete silence.

All in all, a very memorable incident of world cup audience participation

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Simple Exercises

If you don't want to overexert yourself while exercising, then

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Thank God for the virtual world

I’ve had a severe case of the Blues for the last few days guess that is why I haven’t been posting as much as I would have liked to. Also, I have been busy immersed in TV watching the Football world cup. Vicariously living the glories of fleet footed footballers from around the world seems to have made me lazier than usual. So far, I have restricted myself to watching just the 6:30 and 9:30 PM matches, saving myself for the knock-out stages when I’ll have to try my best not to fall asleep later at night.

Today I have also been able to get the old family Television in my room, courtesy my being able to convince my parents to buy a new one for themselves. All I have left to do is get a cable connection in my room and I am gonna be shouting GOOOAAALLL along with the commentators.

Coming back to getting the blues. Anybody wonder why they happen and what is the best way to get out of a case of mild depression for no rhyme and reason? I mean, there have been many times in my life when I have sunk deep into the quagmire of pessimistic thinking even though there doesn’t seem to be any reason for it. These periods seem to last for an indeterminate length of time and all of a sudden lo and behold I am my normal cheery self again!

I was feeling pretty low an hour ago, then I decided to come back to my blog and read some blogs of other denizens of the blogosphere. Reading about the raves, rants and experiences of other people snapped me out of this weird mood. As I mentioned in the heading of this post, thank god for the virtual world.

Of course, I have found that the best cure for something like this is music….non stop.


Do you occasionally suffer from the blues for no logical reason? If yes, how do you overcome it?

For a second

My heart stopped.

Guess Why?

Don't Click Here

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Thought Provoking Article on Reservation

Extremely Thought Provoking Article

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Travails of a bachelor

A couple of weeks ago, I read a rather interesting blog post about the experiences of the author who was of marriageable age. She wrote rather eloquently about how she kept into bumping into family friends and relatives who used to keep on trying to patch her up with their sons. You can read about her experiences here

Little did I know that soon afterwards, I would experience something similar, only in my case instead of a son, it happened to be the parents of a girl of a marriageable age. I was staying in a hotel with my family and we happened to come across some aspiring parents in law. The girl in question was comely, articulate, probashi bangali doing her graduate studies in a renowned college in New Delhi. The father was high up in the echelons of a well known multinational firm and the mother was an erudite housewife with a lot of interests in social service and kitty parties.

Before I knew it, the lady had struck up an aquaintance with my mom and lo behold, before the day ended, they were chatting together like long lost friends. During dinner, the lady had inveigled herself on our dining table and was talking away nine to the dozen with my parents. As soon as I was introduced to her, I noticed her sizing me up with a gleam in her eyes, which clearly said: "A-ha, this guy will be a fabulous catch for my daughter". I was on the defensive having seen those gleams in the eyes of a lot of aunts and grandmothers at weddings and other social occasions. But obviously, I had to make polite conversation with her, answering her over inquisitive queries about what I did for a living, what I had studied etc. etc. I tried my best to portray myself in as unflattering a way as possible, but I wasn't able to dissuade her in the least. In fact, after ten minutes, her husband and her daughter came to have dinner and without so much as a by-your-leave, the lady promptly asked them to join us at our dining table. At this stage, I exchanged a glance with my dad, who smiled at me, having caught on to the lady's un-subtle plan.

Anyhow, dinner was a major painful affair for me, since I was constantly being grilled by the lady who had completely forgotten about my mom at this stage. She also introduced her daughter to me and us (in that order) and started singing praises of the girl's culinary and singing skills. I looked askance at the girl and frankly, she seemed to be extremely uncomfortable with the situation.

After dinner, I quickly excused myself and went back to our room before my parents and the wannabee in-law's family, berating my luck for having had such an exhilirating dinner companion. Afterwards, I made it a point to have a long chat with my mom telling her that I had no intention of tying the knot at this point of my life and she should be wary of the lady, since had pretty vested interests in striking up the aquaintance with us.

Next day, we left the hotel and I breathed a sigh of relief, but to my dismay, I found out from my mom that she had given our phone number away to the lady!

Now, I am really apprehensive of them calling us up and trying to get hold of me. Any suggestions about how I should tackle her in case of such a situation happening?