Sunday, June 04, 2006

Travails of a bachelor

A couple of weeks ago, I read a rather interesting blog post about the experiences of the author who was of marriageable age. She wrote rather eloquently about how she kept into bumping into family friends and relatives who used to keep on trying to patch her up with their sons. You can read about her experiences here

Little did I know that soon afterwards, I would experience something similar, only in my case instead of a son, it happened to be the parents of a girl of a marriageable age. I was staying in a hotel with my family and we happened to come across some aspiring parents in law. The girl in question was comely, articulate, probashi bangali doing her graduate studies in a renowned college in New Delhi. The father was high up in the echelons of a well known multinational firm and the mother was an erudite housewife with a lot of interests in social service and kitty parties.

Before I knew it, the lady had struck up an aquaintance with my mom and lo behold, before the day ended, they were chatting together like long lost friends. During dinner, the lady had inveigled herself on our dining table and was talking away nine to the dozen with my parents. As soon as I was introduced to her, I noticed her sizing me up with a gleam in her eyes, which clearly said: "A-ha, this guy will be a fabulous catch for my daughter". I was on the defensive having seen those gleams in the eyes of a lot of aunts and grandmothers at weddings and other social occasions. But obviously, I had to make polite conversation with her, answering her over inquisitive queries about what I did for a living, what I had studied etc. etc. I tried my best to portray myself in as unflattering a way as possible, but I wasn't able to dissuade her in the least. In fact, after ten minutes, her husband and her daughter came to have dinner and without so much as a by-your-leave, the lady promptly asked them to join us at our dining table. At this stage, I exchanged a glance with my dad, who smiled at me, having caught on to the lady's un-subtle plan.

Anyhow, dinner was a major painful affair for me, since I was constantly being grilled by the lady who had completely forgotten about my mom at this stage. She also introduced her daughter to me and us (in that order) and started singing praises of the girl's culinary and singing skills. I looked askance at the girl and frankly, she seemed to be extremely uncomfortable with the situation.

After dinner, I quickly excused myself and went back to our room before my parents and the wannabee in-law's family, berating my luck for having had such an exhilirating dinner companion. Afterwards, I made it a point to have a long chat with my mom telling her that I had no intention of tying the knot at this point of my life and she should be wary of the lady, since had pretty vested interests in striking up the aquaintance with us.

Next day, we left the hotel and I breathed a sigh of relief, but to my dismay, I found out from my mom that she had given our phone number away to the lady!

Now, I am really apprehensive of them calling us up and trying to get hold of me. Any suggestions about how I should tackle her in case of such a situation happening?


Blogger Fresh Ink said...

Sighz, the neverending cycle of the matchmaking Asian family. It doesnt matter what race/religion you're from, such incidents will harken on your doorstep when you least expect it.

Forget the parents, Relatives place even MORE pressure by saying: "Isn't it about time you found yourself a (insert Asian Nationality here) boy to marry?" whenever there are family gatherings. And usually do this at the most inopportune time.

My own experience went something like this:

There I was reading in my room when my mum comes in and gingerly seats on my bed. She begins with generalities before finally saying "I have something to ask you". Uh oh!! (me thinks to meself). "Your aunt knows this lady.." Double uh oh!!

To cut a long story short, I decided to talk to the guy a few times but found that he was just as adamant abt not marrying anytime soon. Yay! So not only did I not hve to go through too much hassle with my mum, but I could safely 'blame' him for causing this to not work out.

My advice: Cant win this round so go to the path of least resistance. It's easier to explain yourself to the girl than to the mother. Good luck!!

9:20 AM  
Blogger Grafxgurl said...

was the girl cute? do you want someone in your life right now?

if so go ahead!! doesnt hurt!! ;)

10:20 AM  
Blogger disillusioned/clueless said...

geeeeesh!!thats a pain.....but if you dont show any interest i think they will get the picture after sometimes....
really interesting blog by the way....

11:14 AM  
Blogger Lalita Mukherjea said...

Ah, the travails of the eligible young persons. They are well-meaning but match-makers are a nuisance.

Why not ask your mom to let the lady know you have no intention of marrying any time soon?

3:24 PM  
Blogger Rimi said...

So you ARE a good catch. I see . Most interesting. And I presume the female blogger in question was...? But then, I'm an egomaniac who presumes too much.

I see you like Daphne du Maurie. Have you read the Loving Spririt ? Nobody apart from me seems to have :-(

6:42 PM  
Blogger Generally_Speaking said...

fresh ink: I agree about relatives putting more pressure. Thankfully, my parents have left the decision of settling down entirely to me. Thanks for the advice about talking to the girl directly. Will do if the situation arises.

Grafxgurl: Um...yes, the girl was kinda cute, she was mid height, had a svelte figure and a nice smile. But, at this point, I am happy with my current relationships and don't want to tie myself down...just yet.

Clueless: Yep, it is a pain and I think that you've given some good advice too. I'll be ultra-un-interested. And Thanks for the compliment.

Lalita: Yes, especially since I am a quintissential bachelor. Match Makers should go around with a placard around their necks saying : Beware, I will talk to you about a prospective spouse.

Rimi: Ah, so you DO read my blog! Thanks for the comment And you are absolutely correct in presuming that you are the female blogger. Yes, I love Daphne Du Maurier and have read most of her books. The Loving Spirit was a great read even though I read it ages ago, so don't remember much of it.
And well, dunno about me being a good catch, at least a lot of friendly neighbourhood aunts think I am!

10:58 PM  
Blogger Advitiya said... are of age Interesting ;)
I plan to run away when my time comes but a few suggestions...Now they might sound wacky but I was assured by my cousin that they work :

1)Tell parents you have an alternate lifestyle

2)You are already involved with someone

3)You lovesleeping alone

4)You want to make a mark as the son of the family in professional life.

There are more which I fail to remember. Now I'm not sure how fool-prrof they are considering the fact that my cousin now has a 2 kids...

11:44 PM  
Blogger Disha said...

I Know what you are going through, as i am passing through the same phase.It is no use trying to convince your parents or relatives,they wont budge.
The only thing i can tell you is hang in there,u never know what's coming your way.

Good post, nicely written.Keep jotting your experience.

Enlighten the world.....

P.S.Thanx for commenting on my blog, c u soon.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Akanksha said...

nobdy is forcing me to get married :(
i am of marriageable age too

*cries uncontrollably coz her relatives dnt think she is cute enough to b an eligible bachelorette*

2:51 PM  
Blogger anna-rchy said...

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH im only 20 but i get that a lot from my grandmother's friends and acquaintances.. cept they're not bengali,they're sindhi. not like it makes much of a difference anyway!
tell the aunty you like to "do eet" with men. watch her pick up her sari folds and run.

2:58 PM  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

The unending travails of bachelor/ette-hood....dealing with prospective mom in laws and other well wishing relatives.
I guess you'd be better off talking to the girl and explaining to her that you are not interested in matchmaking games. Who knows. May be she feels the same way. And may be you might end up liking her. Who knows;)

8:28 PM  
Blogger Fresh Ink said...

hahaha...i like ur suggestions Advitiya!

6:18 AM  
Blogger Jetru said...

You are running. I am chasing. Funny what 8 years can do.


10:36 PM  
Blogger Generally_Speaking said...

Advitiya: Yep, I am of age :)

Running away...with or without a prospective groom? Your suggestions are fabulous, but I guess that your cousin can attest that they didnt work in his/her case.

Disha: Definitely will hang in there...thanks and you are welcome.

Akanksha: Please don't cry! I am sure that if your relatives are short sighted, you can consider yourself lucky!

anna chronism: Lol, hilarious suggestion, even better would be for me to tell her that I am more into threesomes and whether she would approve. That would definitely get rid of her in a flash

M (tread softly upon): Sigh...I agree. To be honest, I am just hoping that her mom gets another prospective groom in the wings.

Jetru: Tell your friendly neighbourhood aunties/grandmothers that you are in the market and watch them spring into action

2:32 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

I'm telling you...I get this on a daily basis.

4:45 AM  
Blogger Blue Athena said...


Well, loved the suggestions given here. :)

5:50 PM  
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3:11 PM  
OpenID dreamer2702 said...

wow...that's a super wierd situation to be in...though i am going through the same stuff, have not been in a situation like that.
anyways, u have a really nice blog- enjoyed reading it!

4:29 AM  

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